


Hate You Kiss You Love You Kill You

by Omnicat



Category: Darker Than Black
Genre: F/M, Heaven's Gate War, Human/Contractor Relationships, Love/Hate, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-25
Updated: 2015-09-25
Packaged: 2018-04-23 09:03:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4871029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Omnicat/pseuds/Omnicat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Somebody may die before he makes up his mind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hate You Kiss You Love You Kill You

**Author's Note:**

> There's also a Russian translation available! [ненавижу тебя целую тебя люблю тебя убью тебя](https://ficbook.net/readfic/993094) by [najas](http://www.fanfiction.net/u/4599364/).

"You’re so cute. Shame you’re always making such a long face. It doesn’t suit you at all."

He knows she is heartless. Inhuman. She doesn’t care: she’s only using him, a toy to take out when she’s bored and tossed aside again as soon as something else comes up. She is a biologically straight woman and he is the only male on the team.

That’s all it is for her.

She smiles that fathomless Contractor smile and draws her hands reverently down his chest, lean from the exercise of constant battle, and memorizes the emotionless planes of his features with gentle fingers. In full knowledge of what she is, what she wants, he lets her do as she pleases, but he makes sure to tell her –

"I hate you."

She doesn’t look bothered by it, which does not surprise him.

Amber is a Contractor, after all.

 

"You’re sweet. Even in human families it’s rare to find such devotion."

All his human needs and weaknesses are transparent to her. Lust, loneliness, despair, pity; she digs them all up with ruthless efficiency, poking where it’s sore, squeezing where it’ll ooze. He aches to feel a body warm beneath his hands, moving with him, lively and willing, instead of everything he touches growing cold, screams dying for lack of breath and blood seeping away into the shadows of the jungle.

That’s all it is to him.

When she coaxes desire out of him with her Contractor hands, eyes wide and intent like a magpie’s on a sparkle, he gives in. He lets her pry the knives from his cramped fists, peel the bloodstained clothes from his skin, drain the tension from his limbs with her caress, and never forgets –

"I hate you. I don’t know why I don’t just kill you."

She doesn’t look convinced, let alone bothered, as he’d known with bitter certainty she would.

Amber will always be a Contractor, after all.

 

"You don’t have to ask. Anything you want, anything you need. You know how I fee–"

When he pins her down, forgoing all niceties in favour of the blunt and callous way he knows a Contractor would favour, she does not struggle.

He’s tired of being used, of being manipulated, of being surrounded by monsters.

"I hate you. I don’t know why I don’t just kill you. But I bet you don’t even care enough to wonder about things like that."

"I don’t have to wonder." She draws him to her then, until the backs of his hands around her throat brush his own skin too, and kisses him. In her Contractor eyes is something almost like longing, and compassion, and love. "Because I’m not the one lying to myself."

"I hate you. I don’t know why I don’t just kill you."

Her fingers brush along the corners of his eyes and come away wet. His hands twist and jerk in her hair and she runs her Contractor hands tenderly through his.

"I hate you," he says.

Amber is and always will be a Contractor, and he hates Contractors, after all.

"I hate you."

Over and over, until the thick tears clog his throat and her salty kiss draws the truth from his lips, breathless and tiny and cowering like a little boy lost in a dark forest full of monsters – _I hate myself_ – and the only thing that keeps him from pushing away this creature that could love someone like him are her arms around him, arms that say it’s okay, that she loves him anyway.

He doesn’t know if she’s lying; he doesn’t know if Contractors can love. But he hates her for not hating him.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments on older fics will _always_ remain welcome. :)


End file.
